Breaking the Habit
by slytherin-chica687
Summary: After Sirius’s death, Harry starts blaming himself for everything and everything goes downhill from there. Who will help him?


Breaking the Habit

By: Slytherin-chica687

Summary: After Sirius's death, Harry starts blaming himself for everything and everything goes downhill from there. Who will help him?

A/n: I haven't been able to think of anything to write on my other story-Harry Potter and the Necromancer of Light-so this story is being written to help me try and write my other fic.

Chapter 1: Horrible memories and dreams do not mix!

_Memories consume,_

_Like opening the wound,_

_I'm pickin' me apart again…_

**Linkin' Park- _Breaking the Habit_**

_Only one couple were still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. He saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light: He was laughing at her. "Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room. _

_The second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest._

_The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock._

_He released Neville, though he was unaware of doing so. He was jumping down the stairs again, pulling out his wand, as Dumbledore turned to the dais too._

_It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backward through the ragged veil hanging from the arch…_

_And he saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once-handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though in a high wind and then fell back in place._

_He heard Bellatrix Lestrange's triumphant scream, but knew it meant nothing-Sirius had only just fallen through the archway, he would appear from the other side any second…_

_But Sirius did not appear._

"_SIRIUS!" He yelled, "SIRIUS!"_

_He had reached the ground, his breath coming in searing gasps. Sirius must be just behind the curtain, he, Harry, would pull him back out again…_

_But as he reached the ground and sprinted toward the dais, Lupin grabbed him around the chest, holding him back._

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry-"_

"_Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"_

"_It's too late, Harry-"_

"_We can still reach him-"_

_He struggled hard and viciously, but Lupin would not let go…_

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry…nothing…He's gone."_

"_He hasn't gone!" He yelled._

_He did not believe it, he would not believe it; still he fought Lupin with every bit of strength he had: Lupin did not understand, people hid behind that curtain, he heard them whispering the first time he entered the room-Sirius was hiding, simply lurking out of sight-_

"_SIRIUS!" he bellowed, "SIRIUS!"_

"_He can't come back, Harry," said Lupin, his voice breaking as he struggled to contain Harry. "HE can't come back, because he's d-"_

"_HE-IS-NOT-DEAD!" roared Harry. "SIRIUS!"_

"SIRIUS!" Harry Potter woke up from his memories screaming, tears streaming down his face. He was panting, and his heart racing. He slipped his glasses on and looked at the time. It was 3:00 in the morning. He got up and went to the bathroom to splash water on his face. He gazed at himself in the mirror, hating what he saw. He eyes were bloodshot and there were bags under his eyes. His glasses fit crooked on his face. His eyes, once full of life, were now dull and lifeless. His cheeks sagged, and were beginning to become gaunt from starvation. The Dursley had not bothered to feed him at all, but he didn't mind. He wanted-no, needed- to suffer for the pain he caused others. He reached into the back of the medicine cabinet and pulled out a razor blade. He pulled back his sleeves, revealing many other scars and cuts from before. He started at his shoulder and worked his way down. He couldn't stop himself, for he knew he deserved it. He began to write things too.

Already on his arm it read things like, Lier, Ass, Selfish, things like that. His thighs too, were covered. He was beginning to run out of room. After twenty mintues, he dried off his arm and rolled back down his sleeves. He then went back to his room and to sleep, only to be bothered with terrible memories once again. _Memo to self: Ask Remus for a dreamless sleep potion when I write him tomorrow. _That was his last thought before he closed his eyes.

Chapter 1: FINITE!

A/N: I LOVE SNOW! Everytime it snows, I write. It snowed twice, so I write twice! YAY! This is why I love winter. ANYwho: I hoped you liked it, it's not the kind I usually write. I'm more for the Draco/Anyone love stories. I even read one that was Dumbledore/Draco. Let me tell you, THAT IS NOT RIGHT! ANYway: I hope you have a great Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Whatever your family celebrates. I know I won't. cough Stupid parents cough I don't celebrate anything, but my dad is going to use his Christmas bonus to buy a new computer, and I GET TO PICK IT OUT!!! He said that since me and him are the only ones who know _anything_ about a computer at my house, me and him get to pick it! I'm aiming for a Compaq Presario with a Petinum 4 processor with DVD-ROM and CD burner. Hey! I can dream! Anywho, Later all! Please R&R!


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